Blood on the Saddle.

I really need to start this by saying THANK YOU. The wonderful and kind comments you all left on my post about my grandma were wonderful. They all brought me to tears in such a happy way. The comfort that your words gave me was great, and I am truly appreciative.

Of course, in this situations, the pain doesn't go away right away. While each day I feel as though I'm getting better with limited occasions of all-out crying, by the time the night rolls around, I am a sobbing mess. I feel guilt consuming me for not being there as much as I should have been. I want to throw up when I realize I will never hear her voice say my name. But then I think of a funny memory and smile. I know she will always be in my heart. I imagine that my tears will continue to come rather frequently for quite awhile. Part of me is happy that I won't be in such pain all the time. Another part of me is truly sad because knowing that the pain is subsiding means I am used to her being gone. I hate that.

BUT. I'm trying to stop the tears so I can fall asleep. I was laying in bed with P.I.C. tonight and thought of something that had me laughing so hard. My grandpa loved to torture my grandma. Sounds awful, right? Not really. My entire family tends to show its love in a more teasing fashion. The more you pick on each other, the more you love each other, right? This fact rang especially true for my grandma and grandpa. One thing that my grandpa used to do that would make my grandma SO STEAMING MAD that made me laugh so hard was playing a particular song (Blood on the Saddle) on their stereo. You couldn't even mention the name of the song without my grandma blurting out, "DO NOT PLAY THAT STUPID SONG." My grandpa would casually go over to the CD player and be all nonchalant. "I'm not playing it, GEEZ." Of course, he'd play it. My grandma would holler at him, grandpa would sing along at the top of his voice ("There was blllloooooooooooood on the saddle"), and we would all laugh and laugh. Of course, by the end of it, we were all in tears. No one could resist my grandpa's shenanigans, most of all, Grandma C.