Pushing pause.

So now THAT'S over...

Meaning the royal wedding and all...now the people can turn their attention to the real important wedding...MINE.

Just kidding.

My asshole cat woke me up around 6:20 a.m. (of course, leaving P.I.C. to sleep soundly for another hour or so), so I got up and watched some of the royal wedding. Kate Middleton was lovely. Her dress was amazing. I saw them kiss on the balcony (twice...escandalo!!!) Now perhaps the world can move on.

In other news, I seem to have forgotten the days. I swore that yesterday was Friday. Of course, I was wrong. Today is Friday. Time seems to be rushing past me, flying away from me. It seems that since December 23, I have been planning, anxious to get past this hurdle called the "wedding." Only now that the time is here, I want to push pause.

I want to savor every moment of these next few days. I want to remember that P.I.C. suggested to me yesterday that two days was too long to wait. He wanted to go to city hall yesterday. I want to remember drinking champagne with two of the loveliest girls around last night as we got glue all over our hands putting programs together. I don't want to forget the feeling of calmness that began to take over my body yesterday at the same time the butterflies moved into my stomach for good. I suspect that calmness was a form of exhaustion, but I'm embracing the lack of total anxiety.

I'm excited right now, but also feel like everything is set to run its course. Friends are flying into town. Champagne has been purchased. Errands are mostly complete.

As I sit here on my couch and sip on my coffee as P.I.C. continues to spoon my pillow in bed with Oxford creepily staring at him (don't ask me, he's a creep of a cat), I want to slow everything down. I don't want to forget a moment of these next two days.

It might not be the royal wedding, but it is my wedding. Our wedding. And the weekend is here. I can't say finally because time seems to have sped rapidly to this day. If I could just slow it down for the next 48 hours...

I am so very happy.

Hummingbirds.

Several years back, my life was not quite what it is today. (I suppose most people can say the same thing.) I hadn't started a relationship with P.I.C. I was in a bad relationship. My job made me miserable. Then things slowly began to change. I got a new job. I ended the bad relationship. I went down to visit my parents in the country. This was the summer that my life began to change for the better.

My parents live in a very rural area on twenty acres of land. They have their own pond and occasionally have to chase the neighbor's cattle back home. My parents are animal lovers, so they have multiple bird feeders on their property, including the bright red hummingbird feeders. They make sugar water, then dye it red, because hummingbirds are attracted to the color.

This summer, the summer my life began to change and had taken a trip to visit the country and my parents, I was sitting on their porch wearing a red tank top when they began to flock. The hummingbirds. There had to be at least fifty at one time. One hummingbird is a magical creature. However, seeing fifty in one place, buzzing around, patiently waiting for the feeder suspended in the air by their lightning-fast wings, is truly a sight to behold. They are bright. Tiny. Very fast. Their little chirps are difficult to discern unless you are very close or there are several nearby. I was very close. There were fifty. It was incredible. I sat on my parents' porch for at least an hour, just watching them.

Their buzzing and squeaking put me into a trance, the green of their tiny bodies held me captivated. I couldn't stop watching. As they quickly drained the bright red sugar water in the feeder, I felt something in me change. I felt a peace take over the very core of my being. The tumultuous first six months of the year seemed a million miles away. This time with the hummingbirds, and a day out on my parents' boat swimming in the warm and clear water of the Pomme de Terre Lake, cleared my head and healed me in a way that hours in my therapist's office could not.

Fast forward to two and a half years later. P.I.C. and I are on the final leg of our Panamanian journey. We settled into our poolside cabana and beelined for our waterfront balcony. A hummingbird feeder also lived out there. P.I.C. hopped into the hammock, beer in hand, while I sat in one of the chairs. Within a few minutes, two hummingbirds and a lizard or two were on the hummingbird feeder. P.I.C. sat up.

"Wow, is that a real hummingbird?"

"Yep! Pretty amazing, isn't it?"

"I've never seen one up close."

The look on his face as he took in his first hummingbird close up was priceless. Wonder and awe. We were truly on vacation, seeing beautiful creatures and hitting the ultimate relaxation.

This, my friends, is why I love hummingbirds so much. They represent a healing of sorts. Their little squeaks and fluttering wings remind me of two very wonderful times in my life where I was unequivocally happy.

Isn't that something about which you'd like to be reminded every day?