Wednesday, January 26, 2011

In re your cat puzzle

This is an actual email I had to send out resulting from Oxford's retaliation at being left alone at home for a few days. Sigh.

Hi friends,

I never anticipated that I would have to write an email like this, but I believe that I have to be honest with both of you. Remember that puzzle that you loaned to us with all of the unhappy-looking cats in costume? P.I.C. and I had been having a great time working on the puzzle bit by bit to put all of those 750 pieces together. We started it before we left for vacation (when Oxford was with his cat-sitter) so we were able to work unobstructedly for a week or so. However, the reconstruction of the puzzle became more difficult when Oxford got home.

He loves to jump on the table and knock things around. Clearly, the puzzle pieces that had taken up habitation on our kitchen table were no exception. We would find pieces on the floor, in the other room, pretty much everywhere throughout our apartment. Finding the pieces and putting them back on our table became part of the puzzle process. However, nothing compares to the treat we got when we arrived home from Missouri this past Sunday night.

Oxford was apparently rather angry at being left alone for two days. We came home to cat puke (typical, because I believe he secretly eats his own hairballs) and then a more interesting "present." Stuck to the floor in our bedroom was a face-down piece from the crazy cat puzzle. No, Oxford didn't get into the glue. He actually had taken a piece of his feces and used it as an adhesive on the puzzle. He's really quite creative, honestly. He's always coming up with different ways to show that we have pissed him off.

Obviously, we owe you another puzzle. I felt it wouldn't be right to return it to you sans one piece. (Of course, the offending "turd piece" was throw away.) P.I.C. suggested that we just buy you a new one and not let you know what really happened. But me? I like to give credit where it is due. Now you both know the feline asshole rage that P.I.C. and I encounter on a daily basis.

I'm sorry that Oxford ruined your puzzle, but of course, we will buy you a new one. Just let me know where I can find it.

With regrets,
Fabulously Awkward

Oh, right. This is payback for the time I dressed him up like an elf.

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