Yo tengo mucho crabbiness.

You ever have those days when you are at work, walking down the hall to check your mailbox, and all of a sudden you get an incredible urge to PUNCH a box that is off to the side? No? That's just me?

UGH.

In any event, I have nothing substantive to say today. NADA. (You will also notice that I am incorporating some Español into my vocabulary. Turns out I'm not so great at the speaking of Spanish. I'm trying to remedy that before I go to Panama.) I have, however, compiled a list of things that are bugging me today. LUCKY YOU GUYS.

1. TRAVEL EXPENSES. Why won't you pay me timely, work? Please? I mean, I really love driving all over for you guys, but come on. You make me so very sad.

2. Ice cube trays. P.I.C., did you really need to leave ALL FOUR TRAYS on the kitchen counter this morning? That is the chore I hate almost as much as I hate taking out the trash. (It's OK, I forgive you because you made me breakfast.)

3. WORK. Why is it so annoying day after day? Is there NO ONE on this earth who would like to finance my life of watching youtube videos and eating microwave popcorn from the comfort of my couch? NO ONE?

4. Diet. Why do I have to watch my calories? WHY? I want immediate results while I can still eat chips and skip running/

5. Exercise. Jackie Warner, my arms STILL hurt today. That workout was only fifteen minutes. Now not only do I not have a fully functional upper body, I feel like a total and complete wimp. I hate you so much right now. Also, why is it that I cannot seem to run any faster than twelve minutes per mile? I just don't get it. (And if you say it's because I will run for a week then skip three weeks, your fate is like that of the boxes in my office hallway. Consider yourself PUNCHED.)

6. Hump day. Please do not say these two words to me. They annoy me. In fact, don't ever use the word hump in my presence. I hate it.

7. Daylight savings. I mean, I really love when I leave work and it feels like the middle of the night. (I used my sarcasm font there. Did you see?)

8. No coffee delivery. Why, oh why, can't Dunkin Donuts just deliver me coffee to my office. For free. Preferably the pumpkin coffee. Oh, and WHY isn't that just delicious brewed coffee? We just found out it's a syrup that makes it so pumpkin-y and good? Hidden calories SUCK.

9. This current warm weather. SERIOUSLY? Mother Nature is gonna make some absolutely GORGEOUS days during the week then have it turn cold again for the weekend. Awesome. Really awesome.

10. DRIVE-BYS. Come on. I decided to go for a run on my usual route yesterday. TEN MINUTE after I had ran by a rather busy intersection (in broad daylight, I might add), there was a drive-by shooting. Now everyone is telling me I live in a dangerous neighborhood. I hate that. Violence happens in the nice neighborhoods too. Suck it. (And to whomever I need to thank for keeping me out of that particular cross-fire, THANK YOU. I love not being shot.)

11. Followers. SERIOUSLY. I have been stuck at thirty-three followers for awhile now. Don't you people love me enough to follow me? I feel such a small level of validation, and MY NARCISSISM MUST BE FED. But anyhow, I'm funny most of the time, and only occasionally make glaring typos or grammatical errors. Follow me. It's good for you. I know you people read me. SO FOLLOW ME TOO, DAMMIT.

And that, my friends, is the state of my Wednesday. CRAB-TASTIC.

(Sorry for all the caps and the shouting. It just felt right. And this is my blog. I can do what I want.)