Weddings, schmeddings.

Today on this chilly October Friday, I will stand up in my dear friend's wedding. It is the last wedding of the year. Huzzah! I do, however have SOME complaints. Namely, I'd like to lodge a complaint with the VERA WANG store.

(If you listen closely, angels are crying as I deign mock the VW.)

You see, our bridesmaid dresses are absolutely gorgeous. They are VW. Black, knee-length and flowy, they seemed to be quite a nice choice for a fall wedding.

Hey. I don't really look like a bridesmaid, do I?

So, we all get measured and according to VW, I am TWO SIZES bigger than I normally wear. Fine. I have learned that in bridesmaid dresses, your sizes are rather off. Two months later, my dress is in. I pick it up. It falls off my body. Alterations clearly are necessary. Of course, I am supremely annoyed. Had I ordered the correct size, I am certain the dress would have fit beautifully. Now I have to pay extra money to fix something based on YOUR bunk-ass sizing. Vera, I was annoyed.

I took the dress to my local dry cleaner. (Note, this may have been my first mistake.) She does the measurements and tells me it will be no trouble to have it on time. Terrific. We were on the right track.

When I went to pick up the dress, the dry cleaner/tailor gave me a $5 discount. Of course, this made me suspect. I asked her, "If it doesn't fit, can I bring it back for more alterations." She then began to YELL at me for ordering my dress two sizes too big. When I attempted to explain it was the size that they had made me order, she just shook her head and told me, "NO." As if I were lying. Seriously. I paid and rather bewilderedly walked home with a growing sense of doom in my belly.

Of course, this made me panic. I got home and tried the dress on. It fit, however there was a strange poof on the left side of my chest. And the straps were decidedly small, leaving me to feel like the great hulk bridesmaid.

Hulks want to wear Vera Wang toooo.

UGH. So now I have to wear this dress for twelve hours and I am pretty certain that the straps will pop off "hulk-smash" style. Awesome.

On a happier note: my friend, the bride, had one shower I had to attend (um, hi, it was the one I threw). She was very nice to all of us, not making us buy matching shoes. We had rehearsal dinner at Wildfire (YUM). She bought us the most beautiful necklaces from Tiffany & Co. for our gift. And she has called me several times to thank me for my help with her wedding stuff. I love her. But I already knew that.

Now, if you will excuse me, I have to go get beautiful. Hulks like make up and updos too.

P.S. Vera Wang, you're a real bitch. (I'm sure you're a very nice person. And no one disputes that your gowns are the best and most beautiful. But the fact that my bridesmaid dress now looks like a crazy person's garment makes me unhappy. Let me rant.)