Wednesday, August 11, 2010

That guy.

While my time at Lollapalooza ended up being about the music and not as much about the personal observation I had planned, there was one particular drunkard that sticks out in my mind. It was day three at the Arcade Fire show. P.I.C. had just returned from rocking out to a few songs of Soundgarden and we had pressed inward for better sound to the middle of the crowd.

Day three at Lollapalooza turns out to be quite the show of nastiness. The portapotties smell funky, beer cans go uncollected and people stop worrying about lasting another one or two days and just get wasted. We had an encounter with one such fellow. We had just gotten into the middle of the crowd to finish watching Arcade Fire, as I had said. There was a youngish married couple in front of us also enjoying the show. However, it turns out, the guy was gone. As in, "drinking beer and smoking whatever all weekend and finally it caught up to him" gone.

Some of the antics we witnessed from Drunk Guy:
1. Inability to keep his shirt on. We lost count of how many times his wife put his shirt back on his body. (Honestly, to defend the guy, it was probably 1,000 degrees out on Sunday evening, if I'd have been able, I would have wanted to take my shirt off, and I wasn't drunk.) This made me think of Jim Breuer doing Tracey Morgan on the WGN Morning News. Watch and laugh. See if you don't start saying "Yammo take my shirtoff." (It gets good at the 2:30 mark. Trust me.)

2. He fell down. Flat on his back, he almost took out my friend. My friend's husband had to help him up, for which he got a very enthusiastic high five. My friend got a pleading "I'm sorry" from the wife.

3. Crowd mingling. This might have been my favorite antic of his. He would walk up to the surrounding people, grab their hands, and initiate an enthusiastic jumping up and down dance move.

4. Increasing in severity scolding from the wife. Nope. Changed my mind. THIS was my favorite antic. At first, she seemed mildly amused. About the fourth time she had to button his shirt off, she started looking annoyed. It started appearing as if she was dealing with a petulant, misbehaving child. Hilarity began to ensue. She would say such things as, "Look at me, look at me. You need to stop" and "No. No. Shhhhh." She did the aforementioned pleading apology to me as he enthusiastically began jumping around and CRUSHED a water bottle that exploded my feet in water. My friend said she overheard the guy say to his wife, "Nooo, I don't hate you." We determined that at some point when she was scolding him, he'd said "I hate you." Eventually, about thirty minutes before the show ended, she started packing up to leave. He protested. His form of protest was to get down on one knee, a move usually accompanied by him taking his shirt off again. She began to pull him up and tell him, "You have run out of all other options. The only option left you have is to go home."

Oh, the hilarity of Drunk Guy. Good thing I am able to turn episodes with "That Guy" into funnies. Otherwise I'd have been a nervous wreck on a steady stream of Xanax this week.

(Also, I had thought of perhaps putting a spin on this entry that "all men are like toddlers" which could be a semi-accurate statement. Then I realized that I have never witnessed P.I.C. and my friend's husband behave like toddlers. I felt that making this an angry female blog entry would be unfair. Mostly because I fancy myself a cool chick with feminist values and not an angry one. Mostly.)

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