Trend alert: Denim panties are IN! (Just not for me.)

My very serious question to you all is this: Who decided that denim panties would be an acceptable summer look? Seriously. At this point, I'm not sure if this rant of sorts is in response to my own break-down over a pair of jean shorts. Yes, I tried on jorts. I'm embarrassed for myself too. What can I say, I was feeling a little 90s grunge flavor one day and jean cut-offs seemed appropriate. Turns out, that look does not work for me. It induced a breakdown of monstrous proportions in which I decided I would try the anorexia diet. I believe I ate french fries two days later. Clearly, I failed THAT diet as well.*

I have noticed girl after girl wearing these minuscule denim shorts all summer long. First it was one of our softball players. She shows up wearing these jean shorts that are so unbelievably tight and short. She then proceeds to announce, "Coach, can I run to the port-a-potty? I have an incredible wedgie." We did allow it, but scoffed at her fashion choice. Seriously, how can you run and throw a ball in shorts that force your underwear to run up your butt, they are so tight?

I also noticed them at Lollapalooza. It was at this point that I began to term them "denim panties."** The reason for the term is self-explanatory: they tend to be so short and tight, they resemble underwear, NOT appropriate summertime shorts. Sometimes the girls were tiny in these denim panties. Sometimes the girls were not-so-tiny. And sometimes the girls' denim panties were so tight and so short, I was certain that they were the real reason for the prevalence of the medical tent at the festival.

EDIT: By popular demand, here is a photograph from Lollapalooza. You can see several girls sporting the "denim panty" look. Yeah. Especially that girl in the pink. Ouch. I bet she has an incredible wedgie.

No matter the size, I determined that denim panties are just not an appropriate fashion choice for any event.

* Any anorexics or recovering anorexics please don't take offense. I know that eating disorders are a serious issue. However, anyone taking my blog even remotely seriously needs to calm down. I am a real jokester. Duh.

** I admit that someone else could have come up with this term. However, I am owning it, here and now, and hereby declaring it a pretty serious epidemic for Summer 2010.